As I’m penning this I’m chilly, a bit of moist, and listening to my spouse snort at my very own stupidity. I simply spent 90 minutes exterior my again door in December climate as a result of I locked myself out of the home. Again.
This is one thing that I’m a professional at doing and this isn’t even near being the primary time it is occurred. I’ve a little bit of a state of affairs right here the place the toilet in my basement is decrease than the waste drain that goes out to the sewer. That means there must be a pump that lifts water from the sink and bathroom as much as the drain, and mine appears to be perpetually busted. When nature calls and it is dialing a primary, I simply come out the again door and water the bushes. The joys of nation residing.
I’m certain an actual and certified plumber is aware of the correct answer so I can pee inside however I do not know any plumbers and am afraid of what this answer goes to price me. So I’ve a few options of my very own: get a type of pretend rock-looking issues to cover the spare key, cease locking the door behind me after I step out for a enterprise assembly with the shrubbery, or simply transfer into the twenty first century and purchase a rattling good lock.
I suppose there’s one other answer however I’m simply undecided about this one: :/
I believe I’ll simply go along with the good lock as a substitute of performing like I work for Amazon and must pee in a plastic bottle.
Now the onerous half – which one to purchase?
I’ll must be sincere and say I hate good locks. Part of that’s spending a lot time at resorts having to play with fiddly digital locks that simply suck and one other half is remembering how issues was once and that you can bypass lots of them with a 9-volt battery and a paperclip. Hopefully, instances have modified and there are some really good smart locks on the market simply ready to fulfill my pockets.
I additionally want one which works instead of a doorknob as a result of I’ve no deadbolt on my again door. I by no means had a necessity as a result of the one particular person factor liable to attempt to break in is a bear searching for extra scrumptious rubbish to eat. I actually do not feel like breaking out a drill and a gap noticed to place in a deadbolt as a result of there’s a whole lot of measuring and a substitute door isn’t low cost if and after I screw it up.
I’m the form of one who stresses about each little factor every time I spend greater than $20. I do know I’ll learn a gazillion evaluations and what each safety skilled has to say whereas I alter my thoughts 100 instances, however I’m leaning in the direction of the Yale Assure lever lock (opens in new tab).
I would like one which makes use of a touchpad as a result of I go away my telephone setting on my desk beside my keys and pockets after I step exterior for a fast tinkle. Yelling “HEY GOOGLE UNLOCK THE DOOR!!!!!!” or using an app on my phone is not going to work and I do not all the time put on a smartwatch. Typing my super-secret code — which is completely not 8675309 — to get again in is what I would like.
An enormous a part of me is afraid. I virtually need to simply get a “dumb” lock with a keypad and eschew all this new-fangled nonsense with good locks and hackers and apps and such. I additionally need to yell on the neighbor youngsters after they run throughout my yard however perceive that I have to suppress these impulses or I’ll flip into my dad. Dad would simply smash the little window within the door and attain by way of and unlock the factor then complain for weeks about having to pay cash to exchange the glass. I really like you dad, however you’re a little loopy in an old-ass man’s manner.
There must be a very good good lock that works with out a deadbolt, cannot be bypassed with a battery and wire, and does not have lots of of identified exploits so some good child in Croatia, Argentina, or Seattle can unlock my home. I simply have to seek out it.
This is difficult and traumatic. Maybe the Gatorade bottle is the way in which to go in any case.